Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 8

Hello all! Are you ready for another fun filled Blog full of stupid fucking shit I have to deal with on a daily basis? Well let's get started!

I have a fresh one! Just happened today! 

There was this family, a Mom, 2 little Girls and what was obviously the Moms boyfriend...who might I add was shorter than me and looked like he did some time for like ass raping dudes in an alley or some shit! He just had that fucking look to him, like a Gay Hater who secretly wanted his dick in their asses, but acts like he is a Homophobe. Oh, anyway...they all wanted to go into the room together, I said "No, it's a Womans Fitting Room and well you are a Man." Those fucking hicks threw a fucking FIT! They just couldn't get way he wasn't allowed in! Like, they kept on and on and on! The Mom was in the room with the girls so she was shouting out to him and vice versa! 

Here's the deal in case upon reading this for some reason you do not get it either...It's the WOMEN'S FITTING ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't GO IN IF YOU ARE MALE! Just like you can't go into a Women's Restroom! What do you not get? If a Mom comes with her kids and sends her girls into the room and she see's a Man in there or hears him, she will fucking FLIP OUT! What is so hard to comprehend? You two are hideous fools who's kids will grow up to be stupid fucking losers just like you! I had to walk away, I was about to fucking snap and I would have gotten fired for sure because I am so sick of my job as it is that I would have went all out and there would have been no stopping me on what I would have said! 

Phone rings...

"Hello can I help you?"

"Is this Dunkin' Doughnuts?"

"Uh, no this is *beep* (beep for my store name..hahaha)

"Oh, uh...do you know where one is?"

"Nope"

"Do you know where one is anywhere?"

"Nope"

I just said NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also I said the name of the store and shit when you called...why wouldn't you just HANG UP? It's obviously not DUNKIN' DOUGHNUTS!!!!!!!! Also I am not fucking GOOGLE!

Random thoughts...

Hey kid, there is a reason why you are fat! Could it be that your Mom is pushing you around in the cart while you stuff your fat face with food? You are about 10 for christ cake...get out of the cart and walk FATTY CAKE!

Excuse me Mam, but your kids are mouth breathing idiots...you may want to teach them manners and bathe them from time to time. Perhaps teach them some knowledge instead of lard. Carry on.

Dear Co-Workers...Put your own fucking shit away after you try it on! You are still at work! I am going to come to your section and put shit all over and mess it up! I think I will load up a cart of random shit and bring it to you and then say..."Oh I don't want any of this" assholes.

Max items allowed is 6 motherfuckers! 6! Yes you have to get dressed and come get the rest and swap them out! No I am not going to bring them to you, how about you bring me a hammer so I can hit you in your skull! This isn't Macy's bitch! Get it yourself!

I hate when people call and say "I am looking for a particular item" Oh really? Isn't everything PARTICULAR when looking for it? "Hello, say can you tell me if you carry a random item?" COME ON! 

A wife is trying on clothes, her Husband says to her..."You just have one of those butts, I feel bad for an old man with Viagra." Really? Do ya? Because she is hideous and I can tell you now NO ONE IS LOOKING AT HER! 

And now for some tales from my Co-Worker Kacie! Copy and pasted from a message...if there is typos...don't blame me! 

Me: How can i help you?
Guest: Yeah I'm looking for a specific high chair (she gives me the brand and all that crap and I go check to see if we carry it)
Me: I'm sorry we don't carry that item.
Gues:Well I read that (store name) carries it so is there someone I can talk to to confirm this?
Me: Well it's most likely an online item so I would look there or I can give you the number to the Minneapolis (store) to see if they would have it.
Guest: Well before I call Mpls. I would like someone at your store to look online for me.
Me: I'm sorry we don't have access to ordering for guests
Guest: Nobody does?
Me:No I'm sorry you have to order it on your own
Guest: ok I'll just call Mpls store...hangs up
SHE CALLS BACK...
Guest: Hi I'm interested in a high chair and was just told by the Mpls. target that it's an online only item.
Me:ok so you will have to go online and purchase the item there.
Guest:Well I don't own a computer so I need to come into your store and use a computer so I can have someone order it for me, help me pay for it, and have it shipped to the address of the baby shower.
Me: I'm sorry we don't order items for guests.
Guest: I need to speak to a manager!
*I let the LOD deal with it!
PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID!!*

Me: How can I help you?
Guest:What time is your clinic open till?
Me: 4 on Sundays so they are closed
Guest: What day is it?
Me: It's Sunday
Guest: oh...um...hmmm...ok
Me: You can call back tomorrow when they open at 9
Guest: yeah....ok....silence for like 10 seconds
Me: ok thanks bye
Guest: Wait! Do you know how long a pee test takes?
Me: *trying not to laugh* no sorry I don't you'll have to speak to the clinic
Guest: oh......ok............ok............crap...............bye
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE AWKWARD??? WHY??? AND WHO THE FUCK ASKS SOMEONE THAT???

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 7

Hello again! Did you miss me? Well I have some lovely stories to tell you! ALL TRUE!

It was a busy Saturday at work, and a Young Woman went into the fitting room. Angela had noticed the Woman didn't take her purse in with her...so when the Woman came out Angela nicely informed her to not leave her purse in the cart because someone could steal it....

The Woman said snottily "I assumed that's what you are here for"

Angela: "No, we are not responsible for your personal items"

The Woman walked away in a huff...I then said...

"We are not purse watchers, or cart watchers, or babysitters"

The Woman came back around the corner...
"Ok, I got it...I learned my lesson, I heard you"

GOOD! I am fucking glad you heard me you stupid idiot! Why the fuck would you trust US to watch your shit? What makes you think we are so trustworthy? TRUST NO ONE! She is the type of person who would let a stranger into her home, and then he would make her put lotion on her skin or else she will get the hose again.

Phone rings...

Person: "Can you look up 2 items, see if you have them and if you do add them up and tell me the grand total with tax?"

How about you get off your fat lazy stupid ass and come in and figure it out for yourself like the rest of humanity...I hate you.

Observations...

There comes a time in your life when your Mom can stop coming into the Fitting Room with you... seriously. Pretty sure at 18, you can figure out if your pants work for you or not...does your Mommy really have to come in there and do the "Pant Jiggle in the Butt" routine? Dude, you are a pansy. Same goes for you girls...Mommy doesn't need to come in there once you have reached puberty...Does your Mommy still help you wipe?

Kids who stare...
Parents, teach your Children not to stare...if you don't they will grow up to be mouth breathing window lickers who dress up as "Adult Babies"

So, you will go to a beach or pool in a swim suit...but you won't come out of the dressing room in one and you sit and insist your Mommy comes in there with you...or you make your Boyfriend stand at the entrance to get his opinion...you are dumb.

I don't get how some people's look and style doesn't progress with the times! How do you look like you stepped out of the 80's or 90's still? How does the world change around you but you are still rocking that mullet? Or how come you still have those Zubas? Why do you still have stone washed jeans? Stop with the high waisted up your ass mom jeans!

Stop calling me because the sign said the can of peas was 39cents and you paid 49cents...I will kill you.

The limit is 6 items at a time, so don't say I have 6 when you have 12 and try and tell me the top and bottom count as one...it certainly does not and I don't care if you have to get dressed and come get the rest and I don't care if you are in a hurry...don't argue with me or I will punch out..meet you outside and kick you in your fupa!

Oh, and being a Mom doesn't mean I care or will give you special treatment! Shitting out useless Humans doesn't make you immune to rules.

Yes you actually have to come in and purchase something...so don't call and say "So, I actually have to come in and buy it" or "So what do I do when I get there? Do I have to ask someone for it?" WTF did you think you had to do? Wish on a star and the magical Wish Fairy would bring it to you...how did you not drown in your Moms womb?

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 6

Welcome once again to my personal hell...WORK!

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have a store on 69th ave?" (for obvious reasons I am making up streets and such, I can't out my job now can I)

Me: "Hmmmm, I do not think so."

Person: " Ya know, it has a car dealership next to it and a Subway, ya know?"

Me: "Uh, yeah no, I don't know and my listings do not have a store on that street."

Person: "Oh, ok well do you sell Khaki pants in a size 10?"

Me: "Uh, yes we do."

Person: "Ok, so if I go to the store on 69th ave, they will have them too?"

.....oh the store that doesn't exist? Yeah you go there and perhaps you can also find Jimmy Hoffa, who killed JFK and Jesus.

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: " Do you carry the "Ab Coaster?"

Me: "No, we do not...it's online only."

Person: " Oh, can you tell me what else you carry online?"

Me: "You can go online and look, for we carry thousands of things."

Person: "Ok, do you have the number for online so I can call them and ask?"

GO ONLINE!!!! WTF!!!!!! Would you like me to wipe your ass for you as well? 

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "What time does your clinic open?"

Me: "9am."

Person: "Oh ok, well I have a Urinary Tract Infection, and I am going to go to my Doctor, so do you think they will send my info over to my Doctor?"

Me: "I have no idea what they can or can not do at the clinic."

Person: "I know that, so call back at 9 then?"

YOU KNOW THAT! Then why did you even bother telling me about your UTI? Not only are you gross, but you also have no shame. Thanks for being stupid. 

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have money orders?"

Me: "No."

Person: "Do you know who does?"

THE BANK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BANK HAS THEM! Hi! Are you new to the world? 

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: " Does your Bakery, like bake cakes?"

Nope, we butcher stupid assholes who ask stupid asshole questions. 

Phone Rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "So I was told you have one iPad left, can you hold that for me?"

Me: "No, first come first serve."

Person: "Ok, can I buy it over the phone then come pick it up?"

Me: "No."

Person: "Hmmmm, ok so the only way I can get one is to actually come into the store?"

YES! Actually come into the store! PHYSICALLY COME INTO THE STORE! LIKE A HUMAN! This world has become so fucking lazy it makes me sick! No dude, sit at home and ask stupid fucking questions on the phone...then maybe if you think hard enough one will appear....oh I know pray for one. Yeah. Or maybe I can come over and slap your Mom for giving birth to a dumb fuck. 

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 5

Hello, it's that time once again people. Get ready!

Person: "Do you have a Big Woman's section?"

Me: "Yes, it next to the Maternity"

Person: "Oh well I seen it then and it's ugly, I wouldn't wear any of it it's gross."

This coming from a woman who looks like she stepped out of Kmart. Bitch please, with your long ugly ass grey hair, puffy brown jacket and slippers...really? Well, we wouldn't want you looking presentable now would we all your trailer park friends might think you came into some money from a scratch off or something.

Phone rings....

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Do you still have kids winter boots?"

Me: "No sorry we are out and won't be getting any more in."

Person: "EVERYONE is out, it's still winter ya know, well where can I get some then?"

Me: "Well, this is retail and no one will have any right now we get winter stuff in summer and summer in winter it's how it works so I have no idea"

Person: " Well this is ridiculous, I have called everywhere...do you know where I might look?"

I JUST TOLD YOU! I just said it...oh wait something is coming out of my ass....there it is! Now I know where to get some, it's called SUCK MY BALLS.

Phone Rings....

Me: "How can I help you?'

Person: "Can you tell me what brands of panties you carry?"

Me: "Uh, we carry X brands" (not telling you what they are! I can't out myself now can I)

Person: " So what is the most popular brand, see I am shopping for my girlfriend she is 21, so what is popular with that age what kinds are they?"

Me: "X Brand is popular and it has all kinds so why don't you come on in and shop for yourself you can ask someone to help you if you have questions."

NICE TRY PERV! I am not going to sit and explain in detail what we have so you can jerk off to my lovely speaking voice! UGH! People are WEIRD! I am very open minded VERY but come on! How about you pay me $30 a minute and I will tell you all about our panties...I will even tell you about mine...but I am certainly not going to tell you for the wage I make! Call Victoria's Secret, they have more of a selection and the girls there are dumb you can Fap fap fap away they will have no idea what you are up too!!

Random....

Having a child means nothing to me, so don't try and guilt trip me into bending the rules for you. Don't bring your fucking kids shopping when you need to shop for clothes.

People who call, I am just the fucking Operator! I can't stop time or bend the Universe!

Dear old blonde leather skinned hags, no one wants to see you in that Bikini.

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 4

Phone rings...
Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have any Kinects, just the Kinects?"

Me: "No all we have is the bundle packs."

Person: "Well can you check online to see what other stores on the way to Edina may have some, I am on the way to work."

WTF?! Seriously! No, I can not fucking lazy ass people now a days. What else would you like me to do? Stop War? Get you laid? Catch a falling star?

Phone rings...

(Ryan answers because I was off pooping or something): "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Can you tell me if you carry Beauty and the Beast on DVD and Up?"

Ryan: "Ok let me transfer you to Electronics."

Person: "You mean I have to say all of that again?"

Really? Yes you have to say ALL OF THAT AGAIN! You are a stupid dick.

Phone rings...
Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Ok, so I need to learn how to read your receipt. I am trying to find what receipt goes to the product I need to return and the UPC number doesn't match the number on the receipt.

Me: "Ok, what is the name of the product"?

Person: "Oh, Oil of Olay.:

Me: "Ok, do you see that product on the receipt?"

Person: "Yes, but how do I know it's the right receipt?"

YOU ARE HOLDING THE FUCKING PRODUCT IN YOUR HAND AND THE RECEIPT SAYS THE NAME ON IT! There is nothing else I can do for you! You need to step in front of a bus now.

The way our fitting rooms are set up it's a tight fit, there is a small narrow passage way between them and people insist on pushing their way through it all the time because they are too fucking lazy to go around. It's our work space it's not "technically" a through. People pass through knocking shit over smashing into our stray cart and chairs, it makes me want to shove a hanger through their eye. The other day an ugly decided she would push her way through and knocked clothes off of out cart, she then turned to Ryan and said "If this cart was pushed in that wouldn't have happened" and then she pushed the cart in.

Really bitch? I am going to come to your house and ram my car through your front door then I will tell you "If your door hadn't been there I wouldn't have crashed into it!" Ryan then looked at her and pushed the cart back where it was, she gave him a dirty look then ran into a clothes rack. Well maybe if we didn't have clothes she wouldn't have done that. I like to think if she wasn't a stupid bitch none of that would have happened.

Phone Rings...

Me: "Can I help you."

Person: "Do you have Toro Snow Brooms? It should be back with your snow blowers."

Me: "We don't sell snow blowers, and I am pretty sure we don't have that."

Person: "Well I am pretty sure all your stores do, my sister just bought one."

Me: "All of our stores do not carry all the same things."

Person: "I know that's why I am calling a Super Store."

Didn't she just say "Pretty sure all our stores carry that"? Don't try and back peddle you dim wit. ASSHOLE FAIL.

I also can not stand people who can not complete words, or speak properly. It makes me wonder how they function in life only using their ass to speak. Example...

"Hi, ummm yeah I was like ummmm wondering if you uh ah ummm have a certain ummmm like product in uh stock"

I WILL PUNCH YOUR EYES IN! It makes me want to hang up I want to say "When you learn how to talk call me back and try again."

I would like to know when people are looking for phone numbers to different stores how they always end up calling me and asking me for the number! OMFG! However you got this number...do that! DO THAT AND FIND THE OTHER NUMBER!Stop calling ME! I AM NOT 411!

When people are ordering online and something goes wrong they also always call me! AHHHHHHHH! I AM NOT .com! FUCK OFF! I can't help you!

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 3

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Can you connect me to the Optical, not the Clinic I need the Optical"

Oh, you want Optical, ok I will connect you with the NASA Space Station, you old stupid hag! I know the difference you dick!

Phone rings...(I have changed the names of people in this part)

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Is Tom in electronics there?"

Me: "We don't have a Tom in electronics, but anyone in that department can help you."

Person: "Well I need to buy a camera, and I talked to him...you know he has brown hair."

Me: "Ok, well anyone from that department can help you."

Person: " I think his name was John."

Me: "Ok, we have a John but he is not here today."

Person: "I have talked to him like 6 times and he is nice and I really need to talk to him about a camera."

Me: "Ok, well like I said he isn't here today."

Person: "Ok, thank you...oh what is your number there? I know I just called you but there was so many prompts."

First off, you can spin what you are trying to say in all directions, fact of the matter is that JOHN ISN'T HERE TODAY YOU GIANT ASSHAT! Also, really you fucking dialed the store! The prompts have nothing to do with the number you just dialed, you know what John doesn't want to talk to you ever because you are a dumb shit.

Me: "Hi how may items do you have today?"

Person: "3 on hangers and 1 not."

OK SO FOUR! FOUR! How about you just say FOUR!

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello how can I help you?"

Person: "Hello, I was out of town all weekend and I heard the power was out...do you have power?"

STEP OUTSIDE AND LOOK! DO YOU SEE LIGHTS ON? I AM NOT THE ELECTRIC COMPANY!

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Are you in the store?"

No I am on Neptune. Are you in your house?

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you cash checks there?"

Me: "No"

Person: "Do you know who does?"

A BANK fucker...ok continue...

Me: "Besides a bank...Wal-Mart."

Person: "Oh, yeah can you connect to them?"

WTF! Would you like me to connect you to the President as well?

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 2

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you carry school uniforms?"

Me: "No sorry we do not."

Person: "Do you know who does...can you find out?"

Me: "No, I have no idea and no I can not find out."

Seriously! Can I find out? Idiot, get on the internet and look it up asshat.

Person: "I don't like this...where do I put it?"

Up your ass! Where do you think you put it? Could it be the cart in front of you with all the other clothes I am hanging up?

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have these pants in a size 14 and if you do can you put them on hold?"

Me: "Yes, but we can not put them on hold for they are clearance."

Person: "Why did you bother checking then?"

First off I did not know they were clearance till I checked, also to tell you we had them and we have a few so get your stupid ungrateful ass in here and buy them you rag.

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you."

Person: "Do you change watch batteries?"

Me: "No we do not."

Person: "Oh do you know who does?"

Me: "Northtown Mall does at the watch kiosk don't remember the name of it."

Person: "Oh, can you tell me how to get there?"

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Am I fucking map quest? Am I google earth? Look it up bitch! LOOK IT UP! FUCK!

Person: "I see these thigh highs come in XL, but you only have large...I am really offended that you do not have a bigger size....I am going to write Target, this is offensive."

REALLY! This is what you decide to get offended about? REALLY! Your life must be fucking boring you ugly cunt. Never mind all the hate in the world to get offended by, you choose thigh highs...well I am offended by your ugly face and I am going to call your parents and let them know.

When you call and ask if I can check and see if we carry a certain item and I ask what is the item your next sentence to me should be what the item is...do not start rattling off the DPCI to it I do not have my PDA ready...so tell me what the fuck it is first let's start there...because then I won't have to find you and punch your eyes in. Do as I ask.

I have mentioned this before, stop fucking starting off the sentence by telling me your first and last name! I DO NOT KNOW YOU! You sound so stupid.

So, our fitting rooms are set up with me in the middle at a desk and a woman's room to my left and the men's right in front of me...

Person: "Where is the men's fitting room?"

Kacie: "Ummm, right behind you."

The person turns and looks, walks over to it then turns to Kacie...

Person: "How do you get in there?"

Kacie" You walk in."

There is nothing else we can do for you......

Also, There is giant signs that say "Womens" and "Mens" WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN ALWAYS GO INTO THE WRONG ONE! Why are you fucking stupid! Why do you make me want to hurt you? READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is this woman who comes in and she always goes to the mens, I have to call after her to get out and go to the womans...then she always leaves her clothes in there and never brings them out and I want to go to her house and shit all over her floors.

Also, is the same amount of time it took you to come out and actually hand me the number ticket you can bring me your clothes as well you mindless twats!