Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 4

Phone rings...
Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have any Kinects, just the Kinects?"

Me: "No all we have is the bundle packs."

Person: "Well can you check online to see what other stores on the way to Edina may have some, I am on the way to work."

WTF?! Seriously! No, I can not fucking lazy ass people now a days. What else would you like me to do? Stop War? Get you laid? Catch a falling star?

Phone rings...

(Ryan answers because I was off pooping or something): "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Can you tell me if you carry Beauty and the Beast on DVD and Up?"

Ryan: "Ok let me transfer you to Electronics."

Person: "You mean I have to say all of that again?"

Really? Yes you have to say ALL OF THAT AGAIN! You are a stupid dick.

Phone rings...
Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Ok, so I need to learn how to read your receipt. I am trying to find what receipt goes to the product I need to return and the UPC number doesn't match the number on the receipt.

Me: "Ok, what is the name of the product"?

Person: "Oh, Oil of Olay.:

Me: "Ok, do you see that product on the receipt?"

Person: "Yes, but how do I know it's the right receipt?"

YOU ARE HOLDING THE FUCKING PRODUCT IN YOUR HAND AND THE RECEIPT SAYS THE NAME ON IT! There is nothing else I can do for you! You need to step in front of a bus now.

The way our fitting rooms are set up it's a tight fit, there is a small narrow passage way between them and people insist on pushing their way through it all the time because they are too fucking lazy to go around. It's our work space it's not "technically" a through. People pass through knocking shit over smashing into our stray cart and chairs, it makes me want to shove a hanger through their eye. The other day an ugly decided she would push her way through and knocked clothes off of out cart, she then turned to Ryan and said "If this cart was pushed in that wouldn't have happened" and then she pushed the cart in.

Really bitch? I am going to come to your house and ram my car through your front door then I will tell you "If your door hadn't been there I wouldn't have crashed into it!" Ryan then looked at her and pushed the cart back where it was, she gave him a dirty look then ran into a clothes rack. Well maybe if we didn't have clothes she wouldn't have done that. I like to think if she wasn't a stupid bitch none of that would have happened.

Phone Rings...

Me: "Can I help you."

Person: "Do you have Toro Snow Brooms? It should be back with your snow blowers."

Me: "We don't sell snow blowers, and I am pretty sure we don't have that."

Person: "Well I am pretty sure all your stores do, my sister just bought one."

Me: "All of our stores do not carry all the same things."

Person: "I know that's why I am calling a Super Store."

Didn't she just say "Pretty sure all our stores carry that"? Don't try and back peddle you dim wit. ASSHOLE FAIL.

I also can not stand people who can not complete words, or speak properly. It makes me wonder how they function in life only using their ass to speak. Example...

"Hi, ummm yeah I was like ummmm wondering if you uh ah ummm have a certain ummmm like product in uh stock"

I WILL PUNCH YOUR EYES IN! It makes me want to hang up I want to say "When you learn how to talk call me back and try again."

I would like to know when people are looking for phone numbers to different stores how they always end up calling me and asking me for the number! OMFG! However you got this number...do that! DO THAT AND FIND THE OTHER NUMBER!Stop calling ME! I AM NOT 411!

When people are ordering online and something goes wrong they also always call me! AHHHHHHHH! I AM NOT .com! FUCK OFF! I can't help you!

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 3

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Can you connect me to the Optical, not the Clinic I need the Optical"

Oh, you want Optical, ok I will connect you with the NASA Space Station, you old stupid hag! I know the difference you dick!

Phone rings...(I have changed the names of people in this part)

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Is Tom in electronics there?"

Me: "We don't have a Tom in electronics, but anyone in that department can help you."

Person: "Well I need to buy a camera, and I talked to him...you know he has brown hair."

Me: "Ok, well anyone from that department can help you."

Person: " I think his name was John."

Me: "Ok, we have a John but he is not here today."

Person: "I have talked to him like 6 times and he is nice and I really need to talk to him about a camera."

Me: "Ok, well like I said he isn't here today."

Person: "Ok, thank you...oh what is your number there? I know I just called you but there was so many prompts."

First off, you can spin what you are trying to say in all directions, fact of the matter is that JOHN ISN'T HERE TODAY YOU GIANT ASSHAT! Also, really you fucking dialed the store! The prompts have nothing to do with the number you just dialed, you know what John doesn't want to talk to you ever because you are a dumb shit.

Me: "Hi how may items do you have today?"

Person: "3 on hangers and 1 not."

OK SO FOUR! FOUR! How about you just say FOUR!

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello how can I help you?"

Person: "Hello, I was out of town all weekend and I heard the power was out...do you have power?"

STEP OUTSIDE AND LOOK! DO YOU SEE LIGHTS ON? I AM NOT THE ELECTRIC COMPANY!

Phone rings...

Me: "Hello can I help you?"

Person: "Are you in the store?"

No I am on Neptune. Are you in your house?

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you cash checks there?"

Me: "No"

Person: "Do you know who does?"

A BANK fucker...ok continue...

Me: "Besides a bank...Wal-Mart."

Person: "Oh, yeah can you connect to them?"

WTF! Would you like me to connect you to the President as well?

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 2

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you carry school uniforms?"

Me: "No sorry we do not."

Person: "Do you know who does...can you find out?"

Me: "No, I have no idea and no I can not find out."

Seriously! Can I find out? Idiot, get on the internet and look it up asshat.

Person: "I don't like this...where do I put it?"

Up your ass! Where do you think you put it? Could it be the cart in front of you with all the other clothes I am hanging up?

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you?"

Person: "Do you have these pants in a size 14 and if you do can you put them on hold?"

Me: "Yes, but we can not put them on hold for they are clearance."

Person: "Why did you bother checking then?"

First off I did not know they were clearance till I checked, also to tell you we had them and we have a few so get your stupid ungrateful ass in here and buy them you rag.

Phone rings...

Me: "Can I help you."

Person: "Do you change watch batteries?"

Me: "No we do not."

Person: "Oh do you know who does?"

Me: "Northtown Mall does at the watch kiosk don't remember the name of it."

Person: "Oh, can you tell me how to get there?"

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Am I fucking map quest? Am I google earth? Look it up bitch! LOOK IT UP! FUCK!

Person: "I see these thigh highs come in XL, but you only have large...I am really offended that you do not have a bigger size....I am going to write Target, this is offensive."

REALLY! This is what you decide to get offended about? REALLY! Your life must be fucking boring you ugly cunt. Never mind all the hate in the world to get offended by, you choose thigh highs...well I am offended by your ugly face and I am going to call your parents and let them know.

When you call and ask if I can check and see if we carry a certain item and I ask what is the item your next sentence to me should be what the item is...do not start rattling off the DPCI to it I do not have my PDA ready...so tell me what the fuck it is first let's start there...because then I won't have to find you and punch your eyes in. Do as I ask.

I have mentioned this before, stop fucking starting off the sentence by telling me your first and last name! I DO NOT KNOW YOU! You sound so stupid.

So, our fitting rooms are set up with me in the middle at a desk and a woman's room to my left and the men's right in front of me...

Person: "Where is the men's fitting room?"

Kacie: "Ummm, right behind you."

The person turns and looks, walks over to it then turns to Kacie...

Person: "How do you get in there?"

Kacie" You walk in."

There is nothing else we can do for you......

Also, There is giant signs that say "Womens" and "Mens" WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN ALWAYS GO INTO THE WRONG ONE! Why are you fucking stupid! Why do you make me want to hurt you? READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is this woman who comes in and she always goes to the mens, I have to call after her to get out and go to the womans...then she always leaves her clothes in there and never brings them out and I want to go to her house and shit all over her floors.

Also, is the same amount of time it took you to come out and actually hand me the number ticket you can bring me your clothes as well you mindless twats!

Scenes from a Fitting Room: An Operators Tale Chapter 1

Phone rings...

Me: “Hello how can I help you?”

Person: “Hi, so I was wondering if you carried UFC actions figures, it’s my nephews birthday and he really wanted them, and I wanted to surprise him with them and I have been looking all over so if I give you a UPS number can you see what other stores carry them?”

First off, all you needed to say was “Hello if I give you some numbers can you see if you carry a certain item or if other stores do?”

That is all I need to know, I do not care what you want, who you want it for. Nothing you said makes a difference or changes whether or not we will have that item. Also UPS is a company. It’s UPC.

Person: “ How many items can I take into the fitting room?”

Me:" 6"

Person: Ugh that means I have to get dressed to come out and get the rest, I really don’t want to have to do that”

Yup, you do I know life is really hard and having to put your clothes back on must really take a lot out of you. Is this really the hardest thing you will have to do in life? Is it really worth getting snippy and whinny over? Considering the fact there is wars, starving people, people dying, cancer, poverty, hate…this is what you choose to have a fit over? FAIL!

Phone Rings...

Me: “Hello can I help you?”

Person: “Hello can you tell me if you sell flooring?

Me: “No we do not”

Person: “Oh, ok do you know a store that sells that”

Ok, WHAT? Are you new to the world? Hello, Menards, Lowes, Home Depot! Why don’t I call up McDonalds’ and ask where I can buy a car.

Phone Rings...

Me: “How can I help you?”

Person: “Can you tell me where a splash park is located? Ya know a place for kids to play in water?”

WTF! Really? Do I look like Google to you? Am I 411? Why are some people so fucking stupid?

Phone Rings...

Me: “How can I help you?”

Person: “Are you the store on 68^th and 121^st?”

Me: “No we are on 68^th and 102^nd

Person” Oh same thing”

No actually It isn’t the same thing what so ever! You drive there and tell me what you find? You will not find the store there or any store like this…so no asshat it is it the same thing not even close because there is nothing there!

Person comes to the fitting room with underwear...

Person: “I have 5 items”

Me: “You can’t try on the underwear.”

Person: “Why? How am I supposed to know they fit?”

First of all you are really asking me why you can’t try on underwear? REALLY? REALLY? Because it’s gross. It’s UNDERWEAR! You want to try on underwear someone may have had on? This isn’t a health issue to you at all? You are probably the same person who tries on swimming suits without leaving your underwear on! Also, you should know your underwear size idiot. Funny, she called me a bitch because I wouldn’t let her try them on…HAHAHAHA!

Phone Rings:

Person: “Uh hello, I am trying to order stuff from your website and it’s not working.”

Me: “Ok, well I am a store I can’t help you but let me try and find the number for you.”

I get back on the phone with the number

Person: “Ugh I am not trying to ruin your day but I am trying to order stuff in America and in New Orleans and all I want is some help so sorry if I am disturbing your life!”

First off crazy, where the hell do you think I am? Did I have an Indian accent to you? Did I sound as though I was from a different country? Also at what point did I act as though I wasn’t helpful? Also the number for the customer service is right on the site, so how did you end up calling me in Minnesota at a store? You should be apologizing for being an ignorant idiot.

Customer is calling me from inside the store...

Me: “How can I help you?”

Person: “Where are the ice cream cones?”

Me: “They are next to the ice cream on a side cap”

Person “ UGH! I just can’t find anything in here since you moved things and rearranged it’s ridiculous!”

Hangs up

First off, ice cream and cones have been in the same spot since we opened, nothing has changed. Second, where did you expect the cones to be? ‘Oh yes, cones are located with the tampons” …morons.

I can’t stand when people walk right past me into the fitting rooms. You can see I am there, why would you just assume you can just go in? ARE YOU NEW to the world of how fitting rooms work? I know some places do not have attendants, but HI I am right here. Then I have to call after them, “Hello how many things do you have” “Oh, uh blah blah” Men do it way more then women, and when I stop them and ask them it’s like I am speaking another language.

Another thing I hate is when I ask someone how many items they have, they just look at me. Then it’s like we just stare at one another. When I ask you ‘how many items” your response them should be to tell me how many. I didn’t know this was rocket science.

Fat girls, walk away from the Juniors Department! You can not fit in those clothes, why are you here? Get your stupid ass over to the Plus Sizes and wear proper clothing! I am a fat girl, I dress well and you can too! Also, skinny ladies…ugh yeah you need to dress properly as well, just because it’s made in your size does not mean you should wear it.

Phone Rings...

Me: "Hello how can I help you?"

Person: Where do your eggs come from?"

Ok...time out...first off a chicken. Ok continue

Me: "I have no idea".

Person: "Oh well ummm are they on the recall list?"

Me: "No"

I work in fucking clothes all day I have no idea where we get our eggs! First off see if you have the right person before you ask stupid questions! Second, ask right the one first time IDIOT!